The hardest thing about being a single mom.

I think that the hardest part of being a single mom is that you are alone. Yes, I have amazing friends for support and questions,and even more amazing parents who do everything in their power to help me. But at the end of the day, after Ryder is in bed, I stand alone in a messy house,with dishes to do,clothes to wash,and a screaming two yr old to care for all night long because of his health issues,and I feel truly alone. Some families have different arrangements, and the other parent is still very involved in the child's life. Others, not as much,but live close by incase of emergency or need. I,however,am again, very much alone in this way. It is just me, the sole provider,in more ways then one. I have learned quickly to accept this, and I am not overly upset,or stressed by this. Until sickness strikes. Yes, my child has issues that keep him up at night, and is a great deal of work to handle during the day. This is a normal part of life to me, so I don't usually feel sorry for myself, at least, not any more. But when a cold strikes, like it has at our house the past few days, I find myself feeling extremely isolated, alone and stressed out. Ryder's dad is not involved in his daily life at all, except for his daily phone calls he makes in the middle of dinner every evening. He asks Ryder how his day was, what he ate,where he went. When I explain of sickness,or concerns about childcare,or anything that steers away from his 2 yr old conversation, I am ignored. As with any child with asthma, a cold can mean a few complications and some added worry. Also with Ryder his eczema poses a concern. Add a fever to the mix and the poor kid has been bright red, breathing with difficulty, plus all of the regular stuff associated with a cold. It took 3 days of high fever, a bottle of tylenol, a trip to the doctors, and 3 phone calls for Ryder's dad to begin to show his concern. A wise person told me that it is not because Ryder's dad doesn't care, but because he knows I will take care of everything. As a mother I find this difficult to understand, but deep down I know that it is true. But this simple act of, what I see as uncaring, leads me to feel that much more alone in the parenting world. When we started out, it was the two of us,making choices and decisions about Ryder. Then we discovered Ryder had eczema and would take a little more work, including 2 baths a day, alot of research and even more trial and error. After a few months of this, it quickly became apparent that this was only a job for one person, as the second person, the partner I had in parenting, quickly and easily gave over the burden of these things to me. As I went back to work, and Ryder became more of a challenge, with a list of ever changing allergies and issues associated with those allergies,I started to become resentful about having this enormous responsibility, and doing it alone.This was supposed to be a partnership, and I lost my partner. Looking back now, it was a blessing in disguise, as it prepared me to do this alone the day Ryder's dad text me and said it was over. I had a few bad days and then realised that I could do this alone, because I always had. Sure the first few months were awful, not because Ryder's dad wasn't there, but because I now had to figure out a new routine. How to juggle a new job, a new, possibly life threatening, situation for Ryder at daycare, and still get up all night with Ryder, care for all of his issues in the day, and still find time to research possible treatments for him that the doctor's hadnt yet found. I am happy to say, that after a few months, I finally feel like I have accomplished this, but it wasnt without a great deal of help and support, and more then a few phone conversations with a person who always has the right thing to say. So tonight, even though I feel alone, and more then a little frustrated that, even though I am only one half of the partner ship that created this wonderful child in the next room, I am the only one here trying to cope, I can be proud to think that I made it through something most people couldn't have handled as well. So a little cold, no problem-right:)