Well, this is day one of the new adventure I've decided to take on, and I am not sure where to begin! My goal with this blog is to, not only to write out my thoughts and experiences, but to share my life, the trials my son and I have experienced, the information I have gathered that will hopefully help somebody out there, as well as thank the great people I have met along the way.
It started in March,2007. I found out I was pregnant, and I was terrified! How would I ever be able to take care of a baby! Not only that, but how to go about raising an intelligent, kind, generous child, who can reach any dream, who will be successful, who can touch people in an amazing way. Where would I ever read about this! For anyone who knows me, I read alot,and about everything. Before I make a big decision, ok, even a little one, I research it!
Well, I made it through my pregnancy,which wasn't overly difficult, but I was not a happy pregnant woman, and delivered a gorgeous baby boy October 31, 2007 at 5:43pm. He weighed 6lbs,13 oz, we named him Ryder. He had some circulation problems, his feet wouldn't change from blue to red, so they took him off to the special care nursery. I was so full of drugs the only thing I really remember is laying in the delivery room, with a room full of my friends and their children, all dressed up in costumes. I was staring into space with, what I imagine to be, a ridiculous smile plastered on my face.
Looking back, I don't remember Ryder's dad in the delivery room at all! I know he was there, he and my sister both took the brave role of staying with me through the labour. I remember my sister holding my leg, dropping ice chips into my mouth, counting and coaching, but Ryder's dad I don't think said a word? Looking at him now, it doesnt surprise me, but I've just never thought about it before. But then, I didnt even have the sense to worry that my baby was rushed to the special care nursery, or that I only held him for two minutes,or to even ask a nurse how he was! I guess that is the benefit of the drugs, they don't allow your natural motherly instincts to kick in and send you into a full blown panic. Although, looking back, I am not sure I had those natural instincts everyone told me I would have the minute your baby arrives in the world.
By the time I arrived to my room, Ryder was there, in his tiny bassinet, swaddled up in the traditional hospital blanket with the pink and blue stripes, quietly sleeping away. I made his dad stay the night in those horrible "dad" chairs. You know the ones, they fold out into a too short, totally hard, smaller then a single, bed. I just didn't think I could ever deal with a crying baby all night, alone! But Ryder was the most content, quiet baby those first few nights.We had to wake him to feed him,and that was a challenge in itself! He was so sleepy I had to squeeze his cheeks and try to force him to suck on the bottle nipple!
After two nights in the hospital, which flew by, we were home. I was still taking the pain medication every 4 hours just so I could sit, but I was happy. I remember placing Ryder in the bassinet at the end of my bed, and then thinking, well now what? You watch all the shows on tv, where the couple are bombarded with visitors before they even get in the door,but where were my visitors? My friends and family wanted to give us space, but I didnt know what to do with myself, so I cleaned:) I know, I know, looking back I would kick my own butt and tell me to go have a nap! But the rush of finally having what you have been waiting for for 9 months got to me.
The next few weeks were like those of any new parent. Ryder's dad was laid off at the time, so we were both home. Ryder was a quiet baby, who only cried when he was hungry. I decided to pump breast milk and feed it from a bottle, and after 6 weeks of doing nothing but pumping for an hour, feeding for an hour, half hour sleep then doing it again, I was done. I felt so guilty for not being able to provide my son with "the best", but I couldn't survive mentally or physically, so we switched to cow s milk formula. Little did I know that this was the beginning of my nightmare, and the most difficult journey I would ever take, all based on,at least what I thought at the time was, one tiny decision.
It started in March,2007. I found out I was pregnant, and I was terrified! How would I ever be able to take care of a baby! Not only that, but how to go about raising an intelligent, kind, generous child, who can reach any dream, who will be successful, who can touch people in an amazing way. Where would I ever read about this! For anyone who knows me, I read alot,and about everything. Before I make a big decision, ok, even a little one, I research it!
Well, I made it through my pregnancy,which wasn't overly difficult, but I was not a happy pregnant woman, and delivered a gorgeous baby boy October 31, 2007 at 5:43pm. He weighed 6lbs,13 oz, we named him Ryder. He had some circulation problems, his feet wouldn't change from blue to red, so they took him off to the special care nursery. I was so full of drugs the only thing I really remember is laying in the delivery room, with a room full of my friends and their children, all dressed up in costumes. I was staring into space with, what I imagine to be, a ridiculous smile plastered on my face.
Looking back, I don't remember Ryder's dad in the delivery room at all! I know he was there, he and my sister both took the brave role of staying with me through the labour. I remember my sister holding my leg, dropping ice chips into my mouth, counting and coaching, but Ryder's dad I don't think said a word? Looking at him now, it doesnt surprise me, but I've just never thought about it before. But then, I didnt even have the sense to worry that my baby was rushed to the special care nursery, or that I only held him for two minutes,or to even ask a nurse how he was! I guess that is the benefit of the drugs, they don't allow your natural motherly instincts to kick in and send you into a full blown panic. Although, looking back, I am not sure I had those natural instincts everyone told me I would have the minute your baby arrives in the world.
By the time I arrived to my room, Ryder was there, in his tiny bassinet, swaddled up in the traditional hospital blanket with the pink and blue stripes, quietly sleeping away. I made his dad stay the night in those horrible "dad" chairs. You know the ones, they fold out into a too short, totally hard, smaller then a single, bed. I just didn't think I could ever deal with a crying baby all night, alone! But Ryder was the most content, quiet baby those first few nights.We had to wake him to feed him,and that was a challenge in itself! He was so sleepy I had to squeeze his cheeks and try to force him to suck on the bottle nipple!
After two nights in the hospital, which flew by, we were home. I was still taking the pain medication every 4 hours just so I could sit, but I was happy. I remember placing Ryder in the bassinet at the end of my bed, and then thinking, well now what? You watch all the shows on tv, where the couple are bombarded with visitors before they even get in the door,but where were my visitors? My friends and family wanted to give us space, but I didnt know what to do with myself, so I cleaned:) I know, I know, looking back I would kick my own butt and tell me to go have a nap! But the rush of finally having what you have been waiting for for 9 months got to me.
The next few weeks were like those of any new parent. Ryder's dad was laid off at the time, so we were both home. Ryder was a quiet baby, who only cried when he was hungry. I decided to pump breast milk and feed it from a bottle, and after 6 weeks of doing nothing but pumping for an hour, feeding for an hour, half hour sleep then doing it again, I was done. I felt so guilty for not being able to provide my son with "the best", but I couldn't survive mentally or physically, so we switched to cow s milk formula. Little did I know that this was the beginning of my nightmare, and the most difficult journey I would ever take, all based on,at least what I thought at the time was, one tiny decision.
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