Finding a balance

Tonight I am wondering what the point of putting a child to bed early is, when they end up scratching and crying past their regular bedtime anyway. Would have waiting that extra 1/2 hour have meant my sanity, or his skin? I am sure that when I finally go in after a half hour of listening to his sheets rustle, which means he is scratching his skin, that he will have rubbed off all of his creams, his face will be horribly torn apart, and he will be no more sleepy, but much more grumpy then when I put him to bed. I just have to remember...this is not his fault, he cannot help how he feels, and he must feel so uncomfortable. And the longer I leave him, the more pain he is in. But how do I find the balance between letting him fall asleep on his own or the destruction of his beautful baby skin??

I am also frustrated tonight because Ryder has been asking for a few days when his daddy will be coming to visit. His curiosity was spiked on the subject when Ryder's aunt,uncle and cousins(on his daddy's side) came for a visit today.This is usually something that Ryder and daddy do together. So tonight when Ryder talked to his dad he asked him when he would be home to c him, more or less in a two yr olds terms. Last friday his dad had said he was coming home next weekend(yesterday and today), and on friday, after I had mentioned something, he told me his plans had changed. Thanks for the notice, by the way. Would this have been mentioned or was this going to be the first no show? Thankfully I have always questioned Ryder's dads ability to keep his promises, and said nothing to Ryder. Tonight his dad had a long pause and then said he was going to "try" to come down next weekend. I quietly took the phone away and asked him not to make promises he cannot commit to. I know, through what I have heard thru the grapevine, that there is a party in kingston next weekend, so his "trying" to come down on the weekend will most likely be based on how hungover he is feeling. Ryder s dad also couldn't commit to the followng weekend, or the one after that,nor could he give any date, so unreliable will remain the title that he holds with me. 3 weeks between visits seem to be the going time frame these days, and no one, including Ryder or his dad, seems to be too upset with it, so I think this is the last time I will worry myself with it as well, because every minute Ryder isn't spending with his dad, is another minute of fun filled learning and adventures I can share with him, the person I love more then anything in this universe.

Someday I hope his dad will wake up and realise what he's given up. And, although I don't think that this will happen, I still take comfort in knowing that Ryder is young enough to not remember what it was like to have a two parent family, and that he already has amazing male role models in his life every day, to teach him everything, including creativity, hard work ethic, kindness, selflessness,and how to always take the high road, because you will always end up on top, no matter how hard it was to get there. Thank you Gramps and Uncle Rat.