The frustrations of selfishness

Today I am up before Ryder, which is a feat in and of itself. Of course I can't get back to sleep because my brain has not been able to shut itself off in weeks. I am getting less sleep because Ryder has been up more, and has been sick so he has been much more work in the day, which, as any parent can tell you, depletes your patients very quickly. This has been going on for weeks, so lets say the glass is defineltey looking half empty about now.

I am feeling extremely overwhelmed, and anxious, and all of the unpleasant symptoms that come along with that, which in my case is severe headaches, neck pain and most of the symptoms you associate with the flu. Not only am I struggling just to keep it together running on fumes, but I have the daily stress of wondering how I am going to pay the bills, the morgage, the food Ryder needs for the next few years until he is healthy enough that I can work full time. I also have the upcoming blood tests I have to schedule and pay for, for Ryder, plus trying to find the time to fill out all of the paper work to file for special funding for him so he can have a worker with him at school, and get him back to sick kids, and studying for the course I am supposed to be preparing for so I can get a better job,and researching and changing Ryder's diet to Gluten free so I can try to eliminate whatever this last eczema trigger is. On top of all of this, I am still dealing with Ryder's dad, who has not given a cent of child support, or any monetary help for creams, oils ect, in over 6 months, but he told my mother yesterday that he was going out to look at a house! A house! I cannot afford the one his child lives in because of our unique situation, yet he can buy/rent a house, with downpayments, heat and hydro, plus everything else that goes along with a house, while I don't even know where Ryder's meals will come from next week!

I didn't want to let this peice of news bother me, because nothing this man does surprises me anymore, but having been through the past few weeks that I have, my anxiety level is already almost clearing the roof.I am frustrated at the immense amount of selfishness I am forced to deal with, and being an impatient person, I am finding it difficult to not say anything. In my mind, this type of behaviour deserves some attention, but I know that as soon as I get involved, I will just add to my daily stress. So instead, I am forcing myself to let it be, and allowing it,subconciously, to brew inside my head, making me fell sick, stressed and basically helpless in a situation that I have absolutely no control over.